You know what would make this one a whole lot better?

... if you put a banging donk on it.

This seemed funnier in my head.

But since I'm almost two weeks late, it's gettting posted anyway.

my new modus operandi:

Enough said?

So I took a little vaca...

Maaaaan, I went down to TJ.

open up and let's have a look at those bad boys

Dildoetry Vol. 2

Shakin' up speare.

C'est lundi. Où est mon dildo?

Fierté heureuse à tous les homosexuels.

Happy-Self-Congratulatory-Anniversary, Fun With Dildos!

50 Posts and struggling.

How'd it get to be Wednesday so fast?

Coming next week: The Fun With Dildos 50th Post Spectacular Anniversary! I guarantee your disappointment.

Sody Pop Jenkins: The Worlds Greatest Septic Tank Salesman in "Doin' the Books!"

Most of you already saw this yesterday. But for those of you who didn't, it's a BRAND NEW DILDO HOMIE!

Stingy and Duke in "Untitled Comic Strip Which Discusses Problems With The Medium!"

I'm thinking of hiring someone out there to colour in Stingy every week for me. I will never create another solid black character again.

My Brain Hurts.

Sorry for this old piece of crap. Stingy and Duke'll be back just as soon as I can decide how to make them be funny again. In the meantime, go to The Beguiling and buy the third and final issue of Prison Funnies. It'll be way funnier than whatever I come up with for the elephant and penguin to say.

Fun With Dildos sells out.

The MARTY TOPPS HOUSE PARTY SHOW 2 is going on this Saturday May 23rd at The Bread and Circus in Kensington Market at 10PM. You'd better show up or you're gonna wet you pants in public the next day. It's in the stars... And also, it's gonna be amazing.

For more info clink on over to www.martytopps.ca

Seriously. Go to the show. Or I'll pee in your garden.

Stingy and Duke's Return: Part 3: The part two parts before the fifth!

Stingy and Duke is brought to you in part by Nike. Excercise your head. READ!

Stingy and Duke's Return: Part 2: The Part After the First!

Stay tuned next week to see if Stingy and Duke make fun of any more possibly innocent people on death row. Hint: Probably not. I feel kinda bad about this one already.

Stingy and Duke's Return: Part 1: The First Part!

Tune in next week for part two. It might even have an actual joke involved!

Poetry Corner!

your weekly dildo, darlin'.

Also, happy birthday to Robo-Hitler from Mom, Dad, and Sammy. Go look under your bed.

Coping with Loss: Starring Jimmy the Bison Part One

To be continued in Part 2: What is Grief?

HMS Drippings

Checkout my amazingly tight composition. Four years of art school, yo.

my sentiment exactly.

I can't think of anything funny to write here this week. Or in the comic either I guess. Sorry everybody.

Follow Your Dreamz!

Reach for the sky! It's the limit. Unless you're an astronaut I guess.

topical humour, six years too late.

The reason it's late is it took me an extra 24 hours to get the wording right. Honest. And it still sounds awkward.

Sorry Jimmy.

On a completely unrelated note...

I heard that Dollar Stores are gonna become Two Dollar Stores. It's the end of an era my friends.

back in business

I feel like welcoming myself back. Like Mase did.

Sorry Mom.

A filthy one from the archives. Sorry. I'm kinda busy this week.

The Shred Dog Credo?

Shred Dogs FTW.

Robo-Churchill is Attacking Tokyo!

So guess what? Fun With Dildos has been picked up by another website! I'm now an official contributer to Talon Time, a hilarious little website run by a stand up dude named Max. He makes with the funny too. Check out his Relevant Ads if your looking for a guffaw or two. So if you can't get enough of my crap, or you're looking for something funny to do in your non-pornography related internet time, why not swing on over? I'm gonna still keep posting here every week, but I will also be posting the same comics over there as well as some occasional exclusive content. Also, they set me up a super-pro archive of most of the old comics so if you wanna read something over again, check it out.

But what is the real reason to go to Talon Time? Three words: Animal Fight Calculator.

This is what's known in the industry as a "horrible scan".

It's a damn good thing there's no art work being effected by the horrible quality of that scan...
Also, check back in later this week for some potentially VERY VERY big news from the Fun With Dildos camp. I don't wanna say anything ahead of time and ruin it, so be sure to stay tuned.

A question constantly running through my mind...

I've drawn better poos. I won't show you, just take my word for it.

Bit O' The Old News: An Update.

Hi,

Apparently you have to be invited to be in TCAF. And I guess me and my little crappy drawings didn't warrant an invitation. So don't go to TCAF to look for me. Go to TCAF this year to see all the other cool crap. And I promise you, there will be loads of it. There always is.

As a consolation prize though, I'd like to present you with these fantastic things in a post I'd like to call "Things I'm Currently Stoked On":

Ethan Fowler
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLuR9XZgesk

Max Schaaf
http://4qconditioning.blogspot.com/

Toronto Slop
http://www.torontoslop.com/

Sad Trombones
http://www.sadtrombone.com/

Tobin Yelland
http://www.tobinyelland.com/

Scott Pommier
http://www.scottpommier.com/

That's it for now.

Something to read while your sandwich is being microwaved.

Don't stand too close to the microwave or you'll get face cancer.

Happy New Year, Mr. Chips.

You don't know how bad a mouth can smell until you meet Mr. Chips.